And How Do You Know If You’ll Like Your New Therapist?
It’s common to hear people say, “everyone should go to therapy.” And while I agree that therapy can be beneficial for most people, the reality is that finding a good therapist is hard. With the endless sea of choices, from BetterHelp and Talkspace, to the countless profiles on Psychology Today, it sometimes feels like there are endless options, but no clear way to determine the right fit. Finding the right therapist is a deeply personal process, but it doesn’t have to be complicated.
The process of choosing the right therapist can be confusing because therapy isn’t one-size-fits-all. What works for one person may not work for another. Different therapists bring different styles. Some are directive, offering structured strategies and homework assignments. While others take a more exploratory, open-ended approach, letting the client lead the session. Some use humor, while others are more serious. Some are deeply empathetic and validating, while others gently challenge you to grow. None of these styles are inherently better than another. What matters is whether or not their approach aligns with what you need right now.
So, what actually makes a good therapist?
Generally speaking, a good therapist is someone who is present, engaged, and attuned to your needs. They listen actively, reflect thoughtfully, and offer insights that help you explore your thoughts, emotions, and behaviors with greater clarity. They ask good questions at the right time, leading to new perspectives and self-discovery.
Foundation
A good therapist creates a space that feels safe, predictable, and supportive. Therapy works best when there is a sense of structure. Sessions follow a rhythm and conversations build on each other. While the topics discussed in therapy can vary from week to week, a good therapist knows how to build a solid foundation. They ask you about your goals, identify consistent patterns or cycles in your life, and work collaboratively with you to help you stay engaged and invested in the therapeutic process. The consistency of therapy isn’t about rigidity. Instead, it’s about creating an environment where trust can develop, insights can be generated, and impactful change can take root. A good therapist balances structure with flexibility, allowing space for organic discussions while ensuring that sessions remain meaningful and aligned with your goals.
Action-Oriented
While venting can sometimes feel good, a good therapist knows that too much venting in session is not conducive to good therapy. While deep conversations and emotional exploration are essential, a good therapist helps you translate those insights into meaningful change. A good therapist doesn’t just listen, they guide you toward action, helping you build awareness, develop new skills, and challenge unhelpful patterns. A good therapist strikes the right balance between validation and confrontation.
Balancing Validation & Confrontation
A good therapist acknowledges and validates your experiences and emotions without judgment, making you feel seen and understood. At the same time, a good therapist safely pushes you outside of your comfort zone, encouraging you to see things from a different perspective and challenging your ingrained thought patterns and beliefs. This balance between validation and confrontation is essential. Too much validation can lead to stagnation, while too much confrontation can feel hopeless and overwhelming. Therapy is an art. And a good therapist knows when to validate, when to challenge, and how to adjust their approach based on what you need.
Feedback
A good therapist will actively solicit feedback from you because they want to know how they are doing as your therapist. Sharing feedback can sometimes feel confrontational, but this openness actually creates space for honest dialogue between the therapist and client, which is a key ingredient in good therapy (and good relationships). A good therapist typically checks in with you about how sessions feel, whether their style of practice is resonating with you, and if the work you are doing together in session is meeting your needs. If something isn’t working, a good therapist will make adjustments, rather than just assuming that they know what’s best. By proactively inviting and encouraging feedback, a good therapist empowers you to take an active role in your personal growth journey.
Finding a good therapist is a deeply personal process because above all else therapy works best when you have a genuine connection with your therapist. This doesn’t mean they need to be your best friend, but you should feel comfortable being yourself in their presence. Therapy is most effective when you feel safe enough to be honest about your struggles, your fears, and even your frustrations with the process of therapy itself. If you leave sessions feeling seen, heard, and encouraged to grow, it’s a sign that you’re working with the right person.
If you’ve gotten this far in the article, consider reading more about me to see if I’d be a good therapist for you.